Will I ever...

i have this empty feeling inside of me.

when i breathe i feel my soul escaping

like its wanting to leave to find better pastures

i have this empty feeling inside heart

when i try to speak i hear no words

like the wind has silenced me

i have this empty part in my soul

that tries to fill itself

Just a brief thought

We are told as we are growing up that dreams are something that changes through time. Our dreams are what keep us motivated and they are one of the constant things that stay with us. I know for myself, my dream was always to be a writer. To inform the world of the things going wrong and right around them was always a thing for me.

Now, that I am a writer, I see how my dreams are still not complete. I still have a dream to reach the top of the writing world and to become a well known and respected reporter that people can trust. If we were to stop at the general part of our dreams, we will never see the full aura of what we can do.

Our dreams are our souls showing us what we can become if we hard or what can happen if dont. There are people who try to decipher what our dreams mean into a general notion. However, dreams are like snowflakes, no two dreams are alike. What you may see as a good thing, I may see as a horrible vision.

Who are we without our dreams? I met a guy once who told me he doesnt dream or he doesnt remember what he dreamt about. In order to do that, we would have to practice submissing our true feelings, in my opinion. We are given dreams by a higher power and we are given a choice on what to do when we wake up.............

Are you following your dreams...........................................................

Still on My Brain

This is dedicated to all those who arent opening their hearts but know something beautiful when they see it.

When we met,

I wasnt expecting to feel anything

I was just looking for someone to talk to

But when our eyes met, I was taken aback

I saw my soul's reflection

So I let myself go

When we kissed

I started to feel my guard fall

But I couldnt let myself fall for you

So here I am

Thinking of you

Knowing that loving you is something I can not do

For my heart is locked

And thats where it will stay

No matter how beautiful you are

I cant see you that way

However dear friend

Until we meet again

I will think of your smile

And I will bask in our memory

If only for a while

Sorry, this isnt my best work. However, I just had to get that off my chest

Thats just too bad

Hello all..........here's a little something for all of you daters out there.

When you know your date is going bad....

1. When your date is supposed to arrive at 7.....but doesnt show until 8:30

2. When you hop into their car to find other people you dont know in there already

3. When you open the door in one of your best outfits and they say nothing

4. When another person has to complement your outfit in order for them to say anything.

5. When walking together, the space between you two is so far, people can walk between you.

6. When you are talking to them and they seem totally uninterested

7. When you have a better convo with the strangers you found in the car

This is just the tip of the iceberg........I am welcoming all to add to this list. Dig deep and post what you think is a sign of a date gone bad.

The following entry is for mature readers only. If you are a tightass, easily offended or your feelings get hurt alot, please dont read this. However, if you decide to read it and you get mad, I got a few words for you: Fuck off and die.

Now that we have gotten that out of the way, lets begin shall we.

I came into this world in a military materity ward in New Orleans born to an officer but not a gentleman and a wandering soul looking for a place to have peace in their heart.

As I grew up, my life was a rollercoster ride. I grew up not trusting anyone and learned that everyone out there are only out there just to hurt you...

So understand to writer, you have to understand the inside of the writer. The writer's heart is what makes the writer write the way that they do.

Without further ado, I am............

A father deserted child

Abused mentally, physically and emotionally

A gifted soul with a tortured heart

A body with hidden bruises

Teased by peers

Pressured by educators

A wild writer who needed to be tamed

I began to write my feelings out to express the real me

The words I wrote made readers' hair stand up on the back of their necks

I came out like a gay person finally free to show their true colors

Whatever I said, what I did showed the world who I was

But I don't trust the world

The world loved the words but not the writer

So back into my shell I go

I was told to see someone about my "problems"

My "problem" was bi-polar

If you break those words into two, the mean "twice cold"

Thats how I feel

My heart and soul are twice as cold

I feel no one will understand the essence with is me

I have become the box no one wants to open

The person that everyone sees as a category

Daugther, ghost writer, muse, friend that always listens, the fat friend, the cook, the time filler, rebound girl, the ugly ducking in a lake of swans

Well let me tell you something, theres more in that box

I am country military brat

A project hood rat thats been shot and carries the scar to reminds that I should watch my back at all times

A writer with a sharp mind and tongue

A person with many opinions and I dont give a fuck if you dont like it

Thats right, I said fuck

I am a Army daughter with a mouth like sailor

I smoke, I drink

I am the one who go on a date with you with and become the life of the party.......anywhere

I wear black cause its sexy

And I think garter belts and four inch heels turn you on

I'm a PCC girl and a Southern belle with a Scarlette like attitude when I feel like

Yes I am fat, Fabolous and Thick and I like it that way

My selfesteem may not always be there but look out

When it gets here, you may not be strong enough to handle it

I'm new kind of pin up girl

My body says fuck me and my eyes dare you to try

My legs are yours to wrap around

My lips are yours to do whatever........and I mean whatever you want

I am the fantasy masseuse with oil in hand

Ready to rub out every desire you can ever think of

I am the the one that every moan and groan is dedicated to

For those who dont believe I am all of those

I only have one thing to say: Come try me

I promise I'll be all that and more

And that ladies and gentlemen is what goes on in a writer's mind

Your body is here with me (Another woman's admiration)

You knock on my door

I let you in

You wrap your arms around me

I melt at the smell of you

You share your inner thoughts

I hang on every word

You look deeply into my eyes

I fall into your spell

Here I am

Neo searching for Trinity

Serenity fighting alongside Darrien

Selene praying to find her Endymion

Our souls are crossed in a whirlwind universe

But I read your graceful love letters

I saw the words of love

I felt the passion behind them

I heard the sweet song of the heart

If loving you was a crime

I hang my head

What I can do

But to suppress my heart once again

For you are another one's admiration

You are another one's thought and dream

You are their sun and moon

You are my love......lost too soon

Independent dependency

For years, the stereotype has always been the same:A woman always will need a man.

However, for the past few decades, women have done their best to squash this theory. Women's fight to vote in the 1920s, Women's Lib in the 1970s and the "Independent Women" movment of the late 1990s and early 2000s have all been a turning point in which women have stood up for themselves.

However, there is another side to this glorious fight. The side that is never discussed or is swept under the rug. This side is in all women yet we try our best not to show this side to many. It is considered a weakness and should be put under lock and key because this part of a woman is considered a "flaw"...

The "I want to saved by the prince on a white horse" side.

This side, while enjoyed in romance novels, soap operas and song lyrics, is something that women do not discuss aloud with friends nor with loved ones. No woman wants to be called needy nor desparate by their peers, so they shut these feelings out of their "normal" lifestyles and try their best to cope.

The stories, like the stories of Post World War II housewives of the 1950s, are prime examples of how women submissed themselves because of the fear of not being able to handle a household without their husbands. These women, some with college degrees, became "home engineers" and were settled with this position.

However, there were others who wanted more. No more barefoot and pregnant lifestyles, no more having to only survive off the husband's salary and no more living in fear of being alone. This was the start of a new idea of thinking.

Yet,what if the part women are trying to put aside is the healthy part of them trying to come out? For once in a female's life, maybe she should have her right to want a prince on a white horse or a prince with a rose to sweep you off your feet or just a regular guy with a good heart with the best intentions.

Why is it that in this day in time, fictional stories with too good to be true love plots are better received than the pure idea of a woman and the man of her dreams in a whirwind romance? People are being given a double edged sword to play with and are cutting themselves deeply. The movement is actually scarring many into a place that they are afraid to step out of.

What needs to be done is a coming out of closet type of action. Do not be afraid to ask for the romance, the love...........the wanting to be rescued. If there is no action being taken, people will forever wondering.......Is there someone out there to save me?