My life as the fat girl

Ever wonder what you were put on the Earth for? World peace? To fix the money problems of the common person? I was always told that everyone had a purpose in life and they should take their purpose seriously.

However, can a person be put on this Earth just because? Ok, I know you are confused so let me explain....

Ever since I was nine, I've been fat. I have heard all of the fat jokes you can make up in your head and seen the pictures that are supposed to make me feel that my life is worthless because of it. I have seen the commercials that say that fat is ugly and no one loves you. At first, they used to upset me to the point that I would put things over my mirrors so I would not see myself. I started to take things that would make me go to the bathroom right after meals and throwing up after everyone went to sleep. However, I got really sick and had to stop. So I started eating once a day. I would pretend to be full around my friends and family when I was really hungry as a mofo. This worked about three months until one night I was so hungry, I got out of my bed and went to the store to buy a bag of chips and scarfed it in like 2.5 seconds.

As I grew older, I noticed the way fat people were treated. In shows and movies, they would be the comic relief or the dimwit who would do things for food. Like that movie Precious where the girl steals a bucket of chicken and hides in the corner and eats it. That is what most people think fat girls do instead of dating. I was asked that once. It was like: "Have you ever stolen food cause you were hungry?" and I got mad and asked "Do you steal makeup to conceal your ugly face?" The stereotypes I have heard have made laugh, cry and think. Am I predisposed to these things because of the way I look? If I am, I am screwed.

I have heard the "Then lose weight" speech. For what its worth, I have lost weight but I'm still fat. I've lost 39 pounds but there is not any real change. I still shop in the Plus department and there are still somethings I would not be caught dead in. Some designers have stepped up their Plus Size game and I have some nice clothes. However, it used to hurt to go shopping with smaller friends. They would go to 21 while I went to Lane Bryant (for what its worth, 21 has a new Plus department Faith 21 which looks very nice). They would come out with cute clothes that showed off their curves whilst I was hidden in clothes to hide my bumps.

Then there was the social scene. While I was a fun dance partner for maybe one or two dances, there were times I sat on the sidelines holding drinks and purses. My friends would rack up the numbers while I was making my way to the bar.

Don't get me wrong, I have dated but when I was in my single life, blind dates were hell. I remember once I was asked out by a guy for dinner. I put on my best but when I got there, I could see the look on his face. We talked for about 10 minutes when all of a sudden, he had an emergency and left. I spent the rest of the night walking down Royal Street looking at art.

So what about college? Well school has been an experience I have grown from. I have noticed that there are many like me. We are beings who are floating in and out of campus sometimes with people but mostly alone. We have our on fashions and we love who we are.

So what about friends? Well friends are a very tricky thing, even if you are thin. Most of the friends are true but there are those who use fat girls as an "enhancement". To define this action, I will give you an example. I had a friend once. Very pretty, nice (Or I thought she was) and thin. We would hang out at times yet she had this knack to call on me when I guy was coming over. I thought she was just trying to play the shy role when in fact, she was giving the guy the message to talk to her instead of me. It was her way to enhance her chances of being noticed. I finally caught on to it and stopped talking to her. It was a lesson I had learned. Sometimes, I was asked to go out on dinner dates with a promise that I wouldn't be the fifth wheel and usually, I was sitting while others danced and laughed with their dates.

So what was I put on this Earth for? Maybe I was put here as window dressing for someone to enhance their beauty? Or to be an excuse for someone to make jokes about? Or maybe I was here to help the Spanx company make good money (by the way, Spanx are sent from God to my waist)?................

Or was I put here to make fat acceptable? Maybe I am supposed to be this way. Maybe I'm supposed to be the shape I am to put pride and beauty in these situations. There were nights I would look at others ans want to be like them but what's so good about them? Maybe I am here to just to be admired by someone when I walk down the street..............

Maybe I was put on this Earth just to be free.