In earlier blogs, I have discussed my issues with my bouts of depression. It is not as easy to get rid of as the commercials make it out to be: Take a pill and everything will be better. It is a disease that carries on and without help, it can devour your very being.
For the past few months, I have been in an ongoing battle with it. There are days all I want to do is stay in my bed and let the pain take over. Then there are others when I want to do something but co out at the end. I see what this disease has done to my relationships with my family, friends and with Jay. My mother gets upset that I do not see myself the way she does, my friends get mad or hurt when I do not want to go anywhere and with Jay, it has put a strain to where I gave him a chance to leave me for someone "normal" but he is not budging.
There are times I hear "just get up and get it over it". I have tried that only to recoil back into my shell as soon as I get home. Then there is the "I can do anything with____" phase. This is where I do things such as art or music or writing (such as this) to get the juices flowing to get the power to get over the hump but I have a lot of unfinished paintings, songs and spaces between blogs (if you noticed, this is my second blog in over nine months). I even started a story on myspace (feel free to laugh...I will give you a few seconds) and that is still incomplete.
I guess I might as start from the beginning. I guess it all started right after graduation. My structure for college life was over and I was to start anew. Though I enjoyed my vacations and parties, deep down, something was bothering me. I went to my therapy sessions and opened up to my doctor but I still had a lingering feeling inside. Sometimes I would wait for everyone to go to bed just to cry. Not a big boo hoo, but to release the tension that was building inside of me.
Then I started to exercise and play on my Wii with Jay to start having fun. Though I was sore at the end and I felt a little relief, there were nights I could not sleep or had panic attacks. So that went out the window fast but I keep trying.
So what is left to do? Well, I have tried everything and I have realized that this disease is a slow ongoing process. I will have my bad days and I have accepted that but I will try my best to enjoy the good days a little bit more. When will this depression go away? I have no idea but until then, I will wake up every morning trying to better myself and my future.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
School is out forever!
I know, I know...it's been a minute since I have posted on this thing but life has its way of making itself a living hell.
First, my last two semesters of college were insanity. Learning a new language, about new countries and writing news reports took over my life everyday. Deadlines and quizzes became a daily norm.
Then graduation came and the pressure was lifted.......for a while.
Life after college has been good to me so far. I have been to Chicago and the Gulf coast for vacations and enjoyed every bit. However, the pressures of the real world crept in and I began to worry.
Job searching, student loan repayments and possible relocation started to become a part of my constant thought process. Where to go? What pay is good? Will I be able to pay off my loans in a few years? You know, things most post college grads think about.
Do not get me wrong, I want to have a successful life but I want it at home. I know that is cheeky but I feel NOLA is a great place to live and raise a family. I know there are better cities out there and a new city's culture would be an eye opener but there is something about NOLA I cannot get out of my heart. My family is here. Most of my friends are here. The city is rebuilding...well slowly and I want to be a part of it.
Then there is my mom. We have not be separated ever and this would be new for both of us. Well, I can not lie, I would miss my mommy if I went away but I know she wants the best for me.
As for myself and Jay, we are doing great. We have discussed the "M" word and have decided that though its good, it is time for us to work hard then get married. He has been supportive through all of my tribulations and is working hard to keep me happy.
So until next time, see ya lata!
Lovely
First, my last two semesters of college were insanity. Learning a new language, about new countries and writing news reports took over my life everyday. Deadlines and quizzes became a daily norm.
Then graduation came and the pressure was lifted.......for a while.
Life after college has been good to me so far. I have been to Chicago and the Gulf coast for vacations and enjoyed every bit. However, the pressures of the real world crept in and I began to worry.
Job searching, student loan repayments and possible relocation started to become a part of my constant thought process. Where to go? What pay is good? Will I be able to pay off my loans in a few years? You know, things most post college grads think about.
Do not get me wrong, I want to have a successful life but I want it at home. I know that is cheeky but I feel NOLA is a great place to live and raise a family. I know there are better cities out there and a new city's culture would be an eye opener but there is something about NOLA I cannot get out of my heart. My family is here. Most of my friends are here. The city is rebuilding...well slowly and I want to be a part of it.
Then there is my mom. We have not be separated ever and this would be new for both of us. Well, I can not lie, I would miss my mommy if I went away but I know she wants the best for me.
As for myself and Jay, we are doing great. We have discussed the "M" word and have decided that though its good, it is time for us to work hard then get married. He has been supportive through all of my tribulations and is working hard to keep me happy.
So until next time, see ya lata!
Lovely
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